


Cas and Dean are NOT eyefucking

by quinziggle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: I wrote this for shits and giggles when I should have been doing homework, M/M, mention of THE PIZZAMAN, ninety percent crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9538862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinziggle/pseuds/quinziggle
Summary: Sam is done with everyone's shit. Surprisingly Dean does not have a big gay freak out. Cas takes it upon himself to educate Dean on 'osculation', via guidance from the Pizza Man.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [live_and_let_live](https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_and_let_live/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Gerard and Frank are NOT eyefucking](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414488) by [quinziggle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinziggle/pseuds/quinziggle). 



> this is based on a fic I wrote when I was drunk so lower any expectations you might have ahaha

"You know what, you little hoes? You're really getting on my nerves now." Sam glared at them over the wad of papers he was attempting to translate from Latin. "What the hell do you want, Sammy?" Dean grumbled, not taking his eyes off his angel's face.  
"Stop freaking eyefucking or I'll be forced to take matters into my own hands and gank you both, you oblivious idiots." The youngest Winchester groaned, head in hands. "I've had it up to here with your big tragic love story full of wistful staring and sighing. There's nothing stopping you except for your own thick skulls! Put me out of my misery and just make out already!"  
"We are not engaging in any form of retinal coitus, Sam," Castiel interjected, looking bemused. "And the love I have for your brother is pure in nature, with no ulterior motives. I would not take advantage of him."  
"Yeah, you tell him," Dean said, giving him an appropriately manly pat on the back that lingered just a little too long. "We're just celebrating freedom of platonic, friendly eye contact, aren't we?" 

Sam screamed like he was spaghetti being thrown into a saucepan of boiling water. "You guys suck. I'm going to go and find Gabriel and braid his hair." Then he stormed off, like a moose throwing a hissy fit. It was all very dramatic.  
Left alone with his angel, Dean watched the bob of Castiel's adam's apple as he swallowed, looking as serious as ever. Damn it, he was hot when he made that cute little squinty face. Except, you know, in a friendly bro aesthetic appreciation way.  
"Dean."  
The hunter looked up guiltily. "Uh, yeah?"  
Castiel hesitated, before leaning forward into Dean's personal space until there was barely an inch between their noses. "I believe this is where you tell me you are working, and I should not wake the children."  
"I--what?! What children?"  
The angel sighed, brow creasing in frustration as though he was having to explain something very simple to a very small and stupid child. "Dean. In this analogy you are the babysitter. You inform me that your young are sleeping and you do not wish to wake them. I am the pizza man. I do not listen to this suggestion and we begin osculating. The pizza goes uneaten. Then I slap your rear and we engage in sexual activities."  
Dean was gaping at him in a way that looked like he was one step away from dousing him in holy water. "S-sexual activities... Oscu-what now?"  
"Allow me to demonstrate, Dean."  
Surprisingly, the hunter did not back away as his angel moved forward, holding his face gently between calloused hands and placing the tiniest of kisses onto the fullest part of his mouth.  
"What... What was that?"  
Castiel squinted at him, bewildered. "Did I do it incorrectly? I followed the correct procedure, I believe, do you need me to repeat the process?"  
Dean paused, freckled cheeks flooding with colour. "Uh... Yeah. You know what, you should do it again. Practice makes perfect, and all that..."  
The angel nodded, looking satisfied, before leaning in again to press his lips against his beloved human's. Dean seemed react favourably to this, because soon Castiel had a lap full of hunter who seemed determined to explore every inch of his mouth with his own. 

Sam, being carried by Gabriel, who was in a tutu and large sombrero emsemble, burst in unexpectedly, while Dean was groping Cas's ass. Everyone -- even God -- began screaming in terror except Cas, who merely stared at them all in confusion. It was quite something.  
After making a lot of retching sounds, Sam congratulated them on finally getting their heads out of their asses, and agreed to be in Gabriel's porno. It was a spur of the moment decision -- or as you might say, a decision made in the heat of the moment.


End file.
